Updated Blog Address

This is the last time I change my blog address (I swear!).  The new address allows for more creativity and is formatted more like a website. 

Please visit it, subscribe, and follow!

http://karithinkingoutloud.wordpress.com/


Thanks!

Date night: Des Moines hot spots

So, you’ve managed to score a date.  Now what?  Planning a date can be worse than actually asking the other person out. 

Choosing the right place and ambiance is critical for a successful outcome. It’s all about location, location, location (I feel like a real estate agent!)

 Things to consider when planning a date:

 *What day of the week is it?
 *Time of day (is it a coffee date, lunch date, or dinner date?)
 * How well you know the person (is it a blind date?  Is it a first date? Are you several dates in and looking to take things to the next level?)

 If you’re trying to get to know someone (and actually hear what the other is saying) you may want to reconsider going to a noisy music venue, concert, or sports bar.  If you and your date are still in the “hanging out” stage, and not sure how things are progressing, then choosing a location/place which is more romantic than your relationship level can be awkward and confusing. 

Dating can be awkward and uncomfortable for all parties involved, especially early on.  Ask yourself: “What do I enjoy doing socially?” and “Where am I most comfortable?”

Des Moines has a wide variety of restaurants, bars, music venues, and activities to choose from.

Lacking currently in the dating department, I asked some local singles: “Where is your favorite date spot?”

* Django                                                                    
210 10th Street
Des Moines, IA 50309
(515) 288-0268Open: Mon-Thu 11am-10pm; Fri 11am-11pm;
Sat 4pm-11pm; Sun 4pm-9pm

“This French inspired restaurant is nicely lit, it’s quiet, and the food is amazing.  They never have a wine corking fee, so you can bring your own wine.”

*Lucca
420 E Locust St
Des Moines, IA 50309
(515) 243-1115
Open: Tue-Thu 11am-2pm, 5pm-10pm

“This small dimly lit restaurant offers several pre-fix dinner options (no surprises when the check comes!). The open-style kitchen is a great focal point. This is a perfect first-date spot.”

*A local coffee shop
(my personal favorite: Java Joes)214 4th Street
Des Moines, IA 50309
(515) 288-5282
Open: Mon-Thu 6:30am-11pm; Fri-Sat 6:30am-12am;
Sun 6:30am-10pm

*Bistro Montage
2724 Ingersoll Avenue
Des Moines, IA 50312
(515) 557-1924
Open: Tues–Sat @ 5PM

*Iowa Cubs Game/Principle Park
1 Line Dr
Des Moines, IA 50309

(515) 243-6111
(Times and schedules vary)

“Going to a game is low pressure and fun.  If you’re date isn’t going so well, it gives you something else to concentrate on.”—Emily Montgomery, 30, Beaverdale

*The Oyster Bar at Splash303 Locust
Des Moines, IA 50309
515-244-5686
Oyster Bar - 11:30 am to 2 pm, 4:30 pm to 10 pm

“The Oyster Bar is a quaint romantic date spot.  We love going there because it’s dimly lit, its quiet, and they have no corking fee,” –Geni Grant, West Des Moines.  “Oysters are an aphrodisiac.”

Choosing exciting places for a first date increases the chances of the other person falling for you. There is a definitive link between danger and physical/romantic attraction.
                        --Naik, Anita.2004. Flirtology: Over 100 Ways to Release Your Inner Flirt. New York, NY: Penguin Books.

If you’re still struggling in the date-ideas department, author of The Manual, Steve Santagati (2007) has some great bonus ideas:

·         Bowling or playing pool (if you’re feeling competitive)

·         Going to a comedy club (so you can laugh at others, and not just yourself)

·         Karaoke night at a local dive bar (and IIIIIIII will always love yoooouuuuuuu)

·         Biking/Hiking/Fishing (for the outdoorsy types)

The nostalgia and excitement of landing a date can lead to a lack in common sense. These may seem like a no-brainer, but trust me, they happen all the time.

What not to do:

·         Never sh*t where you sleep (unless you want to pick a new “favorite place”, keep them away from yours)

·         Withhold your Martha Stewart cooking skills until you really know the person and are comfortable with them at your home

·         Never go to a place they went to with their ex (it will just remind them of their ex)

·         Limit your alcohol intake or don’t drink at all (unless you’re hoping to look like a drunken fool)

·         Don’t eat foods that will give you bad breath (or worse, gas)

Worst places to go on first date include fast-food restaurants, your kids’ birthday party or school play, your parents’ house, strip clubs, X-rated films or swingers parties, a party where your ex will be, church activities, or window shopping.
                --Naik, Anita.2004. Flirtology: Over 100 Ways to Release Your Inner Flirt. New York, NY: Penguin Books.

Santagati, S., Cohen, A. (2007). The Manual. New York, NY: Three Rivers Press.

If I were you, I'd want to date me too

The first step to enjoying the dating process is to know exactly what you’re dealing with.  In a perfect world, it would be laid out in black in white.  It would have pie charts, diagrams (for you boys out there), and a step-by-step guide.   

I claim to hold no degree in relationship therapy or to be a “dating expert” (hello!  I’m 30…and still single…), but I will hold nothing back, I will sugar coat nothing, and I will do my best to give you the honest (as I know it) truth about dating and relationships.

 If dating were a college degree, I would have a PhD. (with honors, of course).  With humor, mild abrasiveness, and amazing shoes, I will wade through the pond of lecherous pick-up lines, mind-numbing first dates, and sub-par dating sites.  I currently reside in West Des Moines, among the nearly 54% of single women (more competition). 

My take on dating may be of help to you, or simply make no sense at all.  At the very least, you have my guarantee to be entertained.  I hope someone finds humor in my misfortunes. 

I bring to you one warning:  I say what I want, I do what I want, and more often than not…I think out loud (Hey, I’m only saying what everyone else is thinking, but doesn’t have the guts to say!).

Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.
(Yep, I actually just said that!)

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

JERRY SEINFELD, stand-up routine

So, You're say'n there's a chance...

We’ve all been there.  The endless dates (some great, some horrible), have resulted in lasting (for a while) relationships, friendships, lessons learned, and (for me) a few stage-five-clingers (stalkers). 

Sheer frustration doesn’t fully describe how I’ve felt during the majority of my dating history.  I’ve dated some really great men, a few bad boys, and a lot of stereotypical immature liars and cheaters. 

There’s good news for us single-slingers. We are not alone (figuratively)!

The average woman dates nine men before finding the right one (Crap, nine?  I’m waaaayyyy past nine!), according to a survey of 2,000 women from Meeteez.com. 

The survey shares some interesting information:

Before finding “Mr. Right”, women:

·         Kiss 22 guys

·         Have 6 one-night stands

·         Have their hearts broken 5 times

Before finding their “true love”, men:

·         Kiss 23 girls

·         Have 10 one-night stands

·         Have their hearts broken 6 times

I may still be single because, I’ve:

·         Kissed 37 guys

·         Had 1 one-night stand

·         Have had my heart broken 3 times

Shouldn’t my higher than average number of men I’ve kissed compensate for my lack of one-night stands and broken hearts?

I would like to bring to your attention the following questions I have about this survey:

1.        At what age did the men and women surveyed start counting those they’ve kissed?

2.        Does a one-night stand mean you had intercourse (One could get confused by this)?

3.        Define a broken heart.  Are we talking about extreme disappointment? Wishful thinking? Or the stereotypical “I can’t possibly go on….I’ll never love again…blah, blah, blah,” broken heart?
               

           

If dating is confusing enough, the question: “What are we?” makes people crazy.  So when do you go from “seeing each other”, to “dating”, to a relationship?

 According to TopDatingTips.com:

When does a date become a relationship?

1. 1 week 3%
2. 1 month 17%
3. 2 months 20%
4. 6 months 13%
5. Once we have had sex 13%
6. Once I have met the parents 8%
7. Once we have been on vacation 0%
8. Once we have moved in together 0%
9. When he/she says I love you 25%

So I pose a question for all the single, confused daters out there.  In the dating game, when does a date become a relationship?

Please comment or send me a message with your thoughts on this!  Let me know if you would like to be featured in my “ride’n solo” series as well!