Friday, February 11, 2011

Moving On...

This is my first published editorial.  It premiered on August 11, 2010 in the Des Moines Register's Juice Magazine.

This Renter's Guide is/was the largest special section ever at the Des Moines Register in special publications, and  I am very proud of this piece.

Once again,  It's just a bit of what happens....when I think out loud...

 I am a professional mover.  I have perfected the art of packing and unpacking the entire contents of my quasi-young life in a day. The past ten years of my life have been, let’s say…mobile.  I have uprooted my “home” 19 times.  I have made residence in seven different cities, four counties, and one state.  I have had 11 roommates, lived in two basements, seven apartments, two houses, two townhomes and one “home on wheels”.
 I, like an increasing percentage of people my age, rent. Renting has its advantages.  It gives you the freedom and the flexibility to pack up and jump ship if you want to.  It doesn’t take an expensive mortgage to have a home.
While roommate(s) can be great, nothing beats having your own place.  The air conditioner can be set on “freeze out” mode without anyone complaining.  You no longer run the risk of your roommate(s) eating all of your food, leaving the refrigerator door open, or drinking your last imported beer. Have you ever meandered around your own place in nothing but your birthday suit?  It can be quite freeing! (Just remember to close your blinds).
Moving can be one of those inevitable and unpleasant realities of adult life and the physical task of moving ranks right up there with taxes, heartburn, and irritable bowel syndrome. 
Being the nomad that I am, I offer you one important piece of advice. Hire movers.  While there is an additional cost, it is by far the best moving investment.  Why not hire a gaggle of men who appear more than obliged to climb the mountain of stairs to your apartment with an over-sized couch strapped to their backs? You get to stand around, point your finger and flex your supervisory muscle while they do all the hard work! The only blood, sweat, and tears you shed is during the unpacking process.
I have misplaced belongings, injured myself, and shattered entire sets of dishes (packing breakables in my underwear drawer seemed like an efficient idea at the time)… all for the sake of moving.  I have chased fly away couch cushions into corn fields, and have witnessed my kitchen table and chairs hurl themselves off an uncovered trailer only to be hit and smashed to pieces by a semi-truck… all for the sake of moving. 
But packed in all those piles of bubble wrap, I learned a lot about myself.  I know that if and when I announce for the twentieth time, “I’m moving (…for the last time, I swear)”, my friends and family will be there.  How else will they know/remember where I live this time!
Like I always say, “when the going gets tough (or bored, or cash-strapped), the tough get moving… even if it is one heavy unorganized box at a time. 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Snatch.com: The Walmart of Dating...

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The Polygamist Principles: Organized Management?

When "Sister Wives" debuted on TLC, I was hooked.  I have always been intrigued with how others live their lives, the decisions they make, and why. 
I wrote this for a Management Concepts class about how organizational principles apply to daily lives...

Organizational Management:  The Polygamist Principles
            Just like supervisors and bosses, we all manage something.  Our daily lives are managed by our actions, our thought processes and even our moods.  We wake up, jump in the shower and perform a list of tasks to accomplish our daily goals.  Even if it is just getting yourself out of bed and into the shower, you’ve managed to do that.  I often wonder how I manage to take care of myself and my dog sometimes.  With work, school, family and friends, and trying to have a social life, it can all become overwhelming.
I am very intrigued by large families (such as the Dugger family), and large structured groups like polygamist sects.  When I can barely manage myself, how do they function and take care of all of those people?  Religion and beliefs aside, I often think that they need to have broods of children and wives in order to actually accomplish the things they otherwise would not be able to alone.  Is it their management skills or the skills of those they manage?  This higher level of management requires organization.  This total organization focuses in on Henry Fayol’s administrative principles (Daft, 2008).[1]  This sort of “divide, and conquer” way of living really touches on Fayol’s process approach.   Henry Fayol defined and followed these 14 principles of administration (as cited in “Organizational,” n.d.).
1.      Division of work
2.      Authority
3.      Discipline
4.      Unity of command
5.      Unity of direction
6.      Subordination of Individual Interests to the Common Interest
7.      Remuneration of personnel
8.      Centralization
9.      Scalar chain
10.  Order
11.  Equity
12.  Stability of personnel tenure
13.  Initiative
14.  Esprit de corps (Union is strength)
Organizational development can be defined as a planned approach to improving the effectiveness and organizational development of a group.  It is a long-term process and effort to improve an organization’s problem-solving efficiency skills. In other words, organizational development is a change effort that is planned. It focuses on the entire organization or culture, and is aimed at enhancing organizational effectiveness (as cited in “Organizational,” n.d.).
This theory of development just reinforces my curiosity on polygamous groups.  Do sect leaders of polygamous[2] groups thrive on power and control or do they have the principles of organizational development mastered?  Or is it both?  Can you learn these principles of organization or are you born with them?
Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints
            In North America, the FLDS[3], an estimated 38,000 Mormon fundamentalists continue to practice plural marriage.  Founded in Colorado City, Hildale, the Utah-Arizona border, the FLDS is the largest organized group with about 10,000 members.  These members span across the western U.S. and Canada.  This controversial group split from the Mormon Church after it outlawed plural marriage in 1935.  In order to gain acceptance from mainstream America, Mormon Church leaders were determined to shed their polygamous past and gave the settlement residents an ultimatum.  Refusing to renounce plural marriage, almost everyone was excommunicated and cast out (Anderson, 2010, p. 45).
            Before April of 2008, when law enforcement conducted a raid on a small remote compound in West Texas, did very few people know about the FLDS.  The lives hundreds of children and women—all with perfected done hair and old-fashioned prairie dresses—were thrust into the spot light.  The curiosity grew and many questions arose about the lives and inter-workings of its members (Anderson, 2010, p. 46).
            In The Polygamists: An Exclusive Look Inside the FLDS, Scott Anderson (2010) discusses this arrangement of the celestial family.  He looks at the woman’s expected primary role and how it contributes and promotes awareness of the organization (p. 51).  With the approval of church leadership and Warren Jeffs, Anderson (2010) and National Geographic were given access to the daily lives of the community and its members (p. 48).  The principle of plural marriage was revealed in the Mormon Church as early as the 1840’s.  In the article, Anderson (2010) states that the covenant was publicly revealed and with it, the notion that a man’s righteousness before God would be measured by the size of his family (p. 50). 
“My family came to Short Creek for the same reason as everyone else,” said Joe Jessop, a highly respected member and elder who is the most recognized and controversial patriarch of the FLDS since 2008. He continues, “to obey the law of plural marriage, to build up the Kingdom of God.  Despite everything that’s been thrown our way.  I’d say we’ve done a pretty good job.” (p. 48).  Jessop has five wives, 46 children, and at last count, 239 grandchildren (p. 36).


Applicable principles of organizational administration
Division of work.  Sharmaa (2010) states Henry Fayol believes the division of work means specialization and that each person cannot be capable of doing all types of work.
            While the communal spirit of the group spills into the home, each wife is expected to manage their own children and each wife may have their own living quarters of a specific wing of the home.  The primary role of the women of the FLDS is to bear and raise as many children as possible.  The expectation is to ensure the families of the community stay together for eternity and build up the “celestial family”. In the polygamous sects, it is not uncommon for FLDS women to give birth to as many as 16 children.  One wife my act as the school teacher, a second might manage the kitchen and the preparation of meals, while a third wife might handle the sewing.  The FLDS believe that this division of tasks and labor put a stop to jealously (Anderson, 2010, p. 50).
Responsibility and Authority.  These two traits go together and are cohesive.  In this regard, a manager does not move away from the responsibility and makes the best possible use of his/her authority (Sharmaa, 2010).
            Many critics and outsiders believe that Jeffs micromanaged the community’s every decision.  The living and housing arrangements, who married whom, and even the chores were decided by him.  Jeffs claimed that no matter how small, God guided his every action (Anderson, 2010, p. 56).


Anderson (2010) writes about how the ultimate authority goes to the prophet, but the women of the FLDS are coveted.  Unlike the men who are in constant competition to be seen as worthy of marriage by the prophet, the women are highly regarded to “multiply and replenish the earth” (p. 57).
Discipline.  A well disciplined working force or group of employees are essential for an efficient working environment and ensure the quantity and quality of production (Sharmaa, 2010).
            Expulsion and the reassignment of the wives and families are the most noticeable forms of discipline within the FLDS.  While girls are rarely kicked out, boys are often removed for being “disruptive influences”. Many believe the removal of the boys has nothing to do with disobedience.  Dan Fischer, a champion for the Lost Boys[4], believes that this is a calculated move by the church to limit the male competition for the pool of marriageable young women.  “If you have men marrying 20, 30, up to 80 or more women, Fischer states, “then it comes down to biology and simple math that there will be a lot of men who aren’t going to get wives” (Anderson, 2010, p. 56).  Donald Richter, an FLDS web site contributor, believes that the reasons for expulsion and the numbers are greatly exaggerated.  “This is only done in the most extreme cases,” Richter says, “and anyway, all religious groups have the right to expel people who won’t accept their rules” (Ibid).
Unity of direction and command.  Henry Fayol believes that the group works towards one particular plan and direction brought forth by one particular person.  This creates uniformity, loyalty, and dedication.  Working towards this common goal creates harmony within the group and Fayol advocates “one head and one plan” (Sharmaa, 2010).
           
“We believe in the fundamentalist community and believe covenants are made with God and are not to be manipulated for political reasons, so that presents an enormous obstacle between us and those in the LDS mainstream”, says Willie Jessop, the FLDS spokesman (Anderson, 2010, p. 51).  Like the Jessops, members of the FLDS view the life of the founding families as idyllic. Neighborly cooperation and old-fashioned devotion are emphasized.  Critics believe that these sects are isolated cults, and the members and children are brainwashed by social control.  They are forced to succumb to the controls of one man, the prophet Warren Jeffs.  Members of the FLDS believe they and their children are raised in an environment free of social pressures, junk food, and television.  They view this as “wholesome” (Anderson, 2010, p. 48).
Subordination of individual interests to general interests.  Sharmaa (2010) states the general interests come after the specific interest and common goal of the group.  The employees or individuals surrender their own personal goals and interests to work solely towards the vision or goal of the manager/leader.
            The acquisition of plural wives isn’t always readily accepted by all of the women.  Anderson (2010) interviews Dorothy Emma Jessop, a lively woman who operates a naturopathic dispensary in Hildale.  “To be honest,” she says, “I think a lot of women have a hard time with it, because it is not an easy thing to share the man you love.”  Dorothy goes on, “but I came to realize this is another test that God places before you—the sin of jealousy, of pride—and that to be a godly woman, I needed to overcome it” (p. 50).
 Centralization and decentralization.  Sharmaa (2010) claims that the direction and control of the all of the individual parts should have one central point.  Fayol believes there should be careful consideration, experience, and judgment when considering these two traits.  The nature of the work or chore should be taken into account as well.
            In these particular sects, members avoid contact with strangers and the families are shielded behind high walls.  The majority of the property is trusted to the church and there are many reasons for the members to stay.  They usually lack life skills and often do not know how to apply for jobs or even balance a check book.  Anderson (2010) discovers that one of the reasons women stay is due to a certain level of power.  Unlike the shy bashful men in the sect, the women are often more confident and most articulate (p. 56). 
Order.  The arrangement of physical and social factors should be orderly.  When there is a division of work, this order stresses strategic selection.  Everyone has a specific place, and the appointment of workers for each task/job are considered carefully (as cited in “Henry Fayol’s,” 2010). 
Physical factors are very apparent in the everyday life of the sect.  Female FLDS members wear modest attire at all times. Ankle-length prairie dresses are worn, even while swimming (Anderson, 2010, p. 52). Melinda Jeffs downplays media reports that “make us sound like a brainwashed cult”, and says that she enjoys sharing life with her sister wife Susanna (p. 41).
Spirit of cooperation.  In order for the best possible results to be achieved, the groups and their individuals must sacrifice their own personal interests and contribute all of their energies for the common good of the whole.  This loyalty and faithfulness is usually achieved through continuous motivation and for each member to understand their importance and value to the entire group and its common goal (Sharmaa, 2010).
            The communal spirit and overall common goals and beliefs of the sect are present within the community as well as the polygamous home.  The community and its members continually strive to be as self-sufficient as possible.  Anderson (2010) states several members of the church own and operate a large number of businesses such as machine manufacturers, and hotels.  They grow their own produce and everyone, including the children who are expected to help.  The loyalty and faithfulness to the group is so strong, that a group of men built a four-bedroom home from the ground up in one day (p. 48).
            Organizational development provides managers with the vehicle for introducing systemic change.  When the principles and techniques are applied, like those in the polygamous sects, they lead to greater group, personal and organizational effectiveness (as cited in “Organizational,” 2010).  The achievement of these principles is extremely present in the mentioned polygamous sects.  The FLDS leaders create a trusting environment for their followers to willingly and continually accept change.  The division of labor and daily tasks encourages everyone to work and willingly participate in the planning process.  Because each follower is responsible for their own tasks, it makes them feel responsible and “part of the plan”.  The covenant and common goal of the FLDS are strengthened because of the cooperation, communication, and inter-personnel trust within the group.  The most notable achievement of the FLDS leaders is that they are effectively able to align everyone within the community and to make them aware of the vision of the organization.  The organization in this case, according to the FLDS, is being driven by God. 
Please note:  I have this entire paper cited in its orignal form, so if you want to get all "plagarism nazi" on me, I can send it to you.



[1] A subfield of classical management perspective that focuses on the total organization rather than the individual worker, delineating the management functions of planning, organizing, commanding, coordinating, and controlling.
[2]Having more than one wife or husband at a time, usually a man having several wives. 

[3] The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is one of the largest Mormon fundamentalist demoninations and one of the United State’s largest practitioners of polygamy.
[4] Young men who have been excommunicated or pressured to leave Polygamous groups such as the FLDS. They are allegedly pressured to leave by the adult men in order to reduce competition for wives with in such sects.

Delusional: Moments as the Other Woman

We've all been there. Some, more than others...
I wrote this piece for a News Writing & Reporting class, reflecting on how media can alter what we consider societal norms...

Adultery, infidelity or cheating — whatever we want to call it — is more rampant than ever.  The affairs of movie stars, millionaires and politicians are promoted every time you pick up the latest magazine or tabloid. 
All of the splattered mistresses’ names have me thinking. How common is it really?
I am using the terms “other woman” and “mistress” out of convenience, relevance to my own experience, and because research still shows that more men cheat than women. According to the Janus Report on Sexual Behavior, nearly one-quarter of women and more than one-third of men have participated in an extramarital experience. 
Let’s face it.  At one time or another, we have all fallen victim to the “John James Woods” character (John Edwards, Jesse James, and Tiger Woods). Either we were the naïve, “in denial” girlfriend, or we were the delusional “other woman”. Why do I feel like all the heat is being placed just on the “other woman”?
Sure, when the scandal breaks, everyone immediately runs to console the devoted wife to get her side of the story (insert Elizabeth Edwards). Why does everyone blame the “other woman” (insert Rielle Hunter)? Every wife/girlfriend who has been cheated on doesn’t want it to be that their husband/boyfriend went willingly.  They want to believe that some seductress stole their partner away.
 It’s not an easy position to be in.  Either you didn’t know until you were already involved, or you didn’t plan on things moving past the steamy night in bed. 
Perhaps it was his initial doting of attention, your lack of self-confidence, or your knack for impossible relationships and your fear of commitment. Admittedly, having been the “other woman” in the past, I can now look at my error in judgment with a sense of humor. Whatever the case may be, I would like to think this is where it all begins. …
So there you are — dating. When you first meet this guy, he seems too good to be true --      funny, confident, laid-back and genuinely interested in you. You “hook up” with him a few times, and you start to think the unthinkable — he would make the perfect boyfriend. Unfortunately, he failed to mention that he is the perfect boyfriend — someone else’s. 
After you get over the initial shock, (you know it is completely against all girl code to hook up with someone else’s boyfriend), you somehow manage to rationalize your appalling behavior. You convince yourself (with help from the cheater) that he and “the girl” (insert denial), have reached the final stages of their “tormented” relationship and have agreed to see other people. 
  • Question: What do spiral perms, tapered leg jeans, and Boone’s Farm Wine have in common? 
  • Answer: They all seemed like a good idea at the time. 
While you know full well that there’s someone else in his life, you make the conscious decision to pretend she does not exist. Your friends have staked an intervention warning you that you are his “sloppy seconds” (yes, you already know this, but pretend it doesn’t sting a little). But there you go — back for seconds, thirds, and sometimes fourths. 
You and I all know the “perks” of the “guy with girlfriend”:
1. Calling has never been a two way street. You know not to call him. He calls you when he has a moment or “the girl” is not around and/or out with her friends.
2. You get snippets worth of his time.  And even that seems to phase out (insert yawn).
How is it fair that you are giving the best of yourself when you are getting the exact opposite from him? You get his left-overs. “The girl” gets the best parts of him -- his humorous personality (which usually has dropped 50 points by the time you see him), the dinner dates (you get to cook for him at your apartment because he can’t risk being seen), and the romantic heartfelt gifts during the holidays (I will not even go there.  It makes me throw up a little in my mouth).
            Excuses. You’ve heard them all.  They sneak in when you least expect it (or you actually welcome them to suffice your own guilt).  Excuses are like assholes.  Everyone has one or two. Sometimes a good kick in the rear (getting caught), is all you need to face the truth.
q  It only ends one way: He decided that he loves his girlfriend (the one he has been cheating on) and somehow manages to blame you for almost breaking them up.
q  The bullshit decoder: “She’d be crushed if I broke up with her right now,”
really means: “Why would I ever end it with someone who puts up with all my bullshit?”
q  The semantics of “togetherness”: “We’re not technically together,” really means: “She hasn’t moved in with me…yet.”
q  Not enough time: “I don’t have time for a relationship right now,” really means: “I have a girlfriend and I’m hooking up with someone else. I don’t know how long I can do this before I get caught.”
q  The bottom line: “She means nothing to me,” really means: “Neither do you.”

Whatever the motives may be, someone gets hurt.  If the “cheater” is so unhappy in his current life, he should leave. By posing as the “other woman”, you are saying that you lack self esteem and common sense (trust me, I know). The “treasured but used” complex needs to end.  The grass may seem greener on the other side, but you still have to mow it. 

Did I Say That?!

Since I am slamming into my 30th year of life, I thought I'd take a look back on some of the things I said, did, or really really wanted to do.

I can look back and find the humor in them (trust me, I laugh at everything...no matter how inappropriate), and still find some relevance.  I really am as smart/funny/witty as I think I am...

From March 2006:

Beer Goggle Revelations
Do you ever have these intense moments of clarity.....where you finally realize that something you did/said/want to do/thought was maybe disarranged..... (Could it be the beer goggles?)

Revelations sans beer goggles:
  • You already have one asshole. You don't need another one.
  • No matter how far you travel or how much you run from it...you can never escape your past.
  • There's a really big difference in being lonely and being alone!!!
  • A string of bad dates does not equal one really great one.
  • Hanging out is not dating.
  • 20 year olds don't have drama.....because they haven't lived life yet!
  • Buying shoes makes you feel good...
  • It's still not easy to just walk away.
  • You should never settle for settling.
  • Cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter whom it was with or how many times it happened...
  • If you hate the way a guy eats his cereal or how he chews in his sleep....you don't really like him.
  • You may never get a second chance.
  • Memories are just that....Memories.
  • If he's not all yours...he's still hers.
It's safe for me to say that most of these are still true, but if I could go back five years, I would tell myself to not be so serious.  When you spend a lot of time letting people waste yours, you reach a point when enough is enough. 
Those who know me well, know that I exude an "abrasive" exterior (maybe out of fear, maybe out of exhaustion), but they always know what they are going to get from me.  This is where my filter (lack there of) comes in... I say what I want, I say how I feel, without regard. 
To some, this may be a fault, but to me.....I think I'm on to something...